Love Never Dies...

You broke me down,

I'm building myself up,

You made me weak,

I'm proving just how strong I am,

You said you miss me,

But that wont win my heart again,

You hurt me too much before,

And im finally walking away for good .

I'll always love you and forever till love dies, or I die and your love will be flowers on my grave. 

I LOVE YOU AYAH ♥

Hi All. Here is a new photo of Ayah. We are trying to make her feel like she is on a stay-cation. :) Ayah has spent the last week or two in and out of clinic appointments at Johns Hopkins. Blood Transfusions and a chemo treatment about 10 days ago. Over the next week she will be beginning her stem cell collection procedures as doctors prepare for the likelihood that she needs a bone marrow transplant. God Willing she will this next few days will go as planned.

It has been two months...

It has been two months and it feels like hell, nobody knows how it feels because nobody feels what I'm feeling right now. Indescribable feelings that hurt so bad but whenever I see her face I feel so safe and happy, I feel like I'm on the clouds nothing can bring me down. She makes me strong but she can makes me so weak as well. I hope she makes the right decision for us before its too late. I miss you so much and I love you with every piece of my heart.

Please come back...

As we grow older together, as we continue to change with age there is one thing that will never change. I will always keep falling in love with you. I miss you.

Off to Iraq...

 I took this picture last year when I was overseas, on the way to Iraq. It looks nice from outside but once you cross the borders you get in hell itself. Been packing since I woke up early in the morning. Nothing worse than knowing that you are throwing yourself in hell, but I have to do it and face my fears and win this battle. It is ridiculous how I have these feelings that I am going to go through all of the torturing bullshit but what's new? I am used to it, so many scars on my body make me feel honored for being through all of what I have been through. Anyways, I will miss everyone in here and especially her. My flight is next week or the week after, haven't decided yet but its soon. This might be the last post cause once I go there, there will be no internet and crap. Take care everyone and remember the good things about me. 

We will meet in heaven soon, right? haha (:

We can do this...

Tonight you cried. You cried a lot. You cried out of pain. You cried out of frustration. You cried because you actually wanted food and doctors would not allow it. You have not been allowed real liquid or solid food since the Wednesday. The areas surrounding your eyes look as if you have no slept for 6 months. You are sensitive to light. You are sensitive to sound. You have no energy. You keep your own box of tissues next to you... not because you have a cold but because you cry so much you don't want to wet your shirt. You tell nurses the need to hurry and tell the doctors to read your results because you hurt. People get pneumonia. People get liver issues. People get internal bleeding. People get intestinal issues. People get kidney failures. People get cancer. People have multiple surgeries in the same day. Then again in the same week. People get multiple biopsies. People get transfusions. You got nearly 20 of those and everything else I listed in the last 60 days. Habeebti and my best friend Ayah... how do you do that? As I said on my own profile... people would play with you or talk to you and say "You are just like your uncle Said"... but I wish your uncle Said was just like you!
I will continue to support you in any way that I can. I won't eat until you eat. I won't drink until you drink. I won't sleep if you are not sleeping. I will not do anything that you cannot do if it makes you feel bad that you are not there. We spend our lives wishing to gain the approval of everyone but I only look to gain the approval of my creator but on top of that I want to be the best person I can in this world so when you are all better... I want you to be able to put a chair on stage for you to sit in and watch my show from the best seat in the house. I don't care if they laugh... I just want to hear your giggle.

YOU AMAZE ME and I HOPE to represent a part of you. Friends of mine who are by my side with this in my opinion are lucky to be witnessing greatness when I speak about you because you are greatness. And anybody who leaves my side in any way probably did it because the expectations that go along with knowing such an amazing family with our amazing Ayah was just way to much for them to live up to. Its God's way of filtering out the warriors from the rest. I will read this to you tomorrow Ayah. 

 

- Said Durrah

You're my forever, you're my always...

What you said to me last night, I will remember for the rest of my life.

Today is just one of those days...

Today isn't really a good day, woke up this morning with a bad ass headache and a bleeding nose which isn't good. Pain is coming back i guess and I don't really want it. It is cloudy outside and I don't like this weather, I'm supposed to be doing my homework right now but I don't feel like doing it. Anyways, I miss her terribly.

CK Trip...

(:

Big Heart...

I look at Ayah's picture and I read what her uncle wrote and I keep thinking how many people are suffering while I'm sitting here with everything someone could ask for. I am so selfish. I want to be there helping the kids why am I just sitting here! They need me, they are so strong and Ayah laughs all the time and I'm sitting here crying because I feel sad for her? I don't even know her! Who am I to cry about it? I don't even deserve to do that. I want to take all her pain and make it my own. I want to take all of the kids pain and make it my own. They haven't even experienced life I have so why not me? God why not me? I've experienced everything a person should. I want to take her spot, she deserves to able to be a little 8 year old with friends and playing outside in the park. She deserves that I wish I could take her pain and make it my own. 

- <3

Refugee!

Nearly five million Iraqis have abandoned their homes due to violence and harassment. The United States has taken in over 30,000 Iraqi refugees who are attempting to rebuild their lives.

- Timz

This is said...

A Rambling Poetic and Unedited Story of an Issue… and yes its not short and Im sure it doesn't have correct tempo or structure or any of the other things that make a story or poem or writing great... here it is... its about a problem.

The problem this time is simple
My bed is too high
Its not as if I sleep much
Or need to lay down and cry

But days come and go
My body is aching
The soul I work to refresh
Is losing and breaking

I did not run all day
I did not struggle all night
I did not raise my fists
But I was involved in a fight

The fight of keeping faith
And attempting to seem un-phased
Everyone tells me its fine
Not realizing the bright side I just chased

When a little girl asks for me
And says her uncle is what she wants
While Im on stage performing that night
I guess comedians do perform stunts

It is by far the hardest thing
To leave a lonely hospital bed
Go home and write laughs
Then end up remembering only what the girl said

But this is my career
And this is my dream
She loves this about me
We are a comedy team

I am not a lawyer
Doctor or Engineer
Im not 6 foot 4
With a 9 to 5 career

But I will tell you this
Its what the little girl makes me
Im the best uncle in the world
Why? Because she tells me

I like to consider myself
The best of many things in the end
Best brother and best son
Maybe even the best friend

At the end of my nights
I want to fall to the floor
I spent all day looking victorious
Regardless of the score

If you sob thinking about her
Or you break down and cry
Imagine being the first name she ever spoke
Well I am that guy

She means much more to me
Than any life on this planet
If I could throw God my own soul
Id gladly over hand it

We know that already
We read it or heard me say it
But I say it over and over
Then I stop a second and then replay it

Rise and shine I try
Make it through the days struggles
Then silence eventually hits
All earth’s sounds are muffled

The sun goes down
The moon appears
I walk over to my bed
And realize my greatest fears

It has happened to me again
My body is tired
I can’t believe moments ago
I was awake… in fact I was wired

But now the pain has set in
That today doctors never called
To tell us she will be okay
And the illness has begun to fall

This girl who means so much
Is still sick and I am not
If I can just make it to my pillow
I will fall asleep on the spot

Maybe I can dream a cure
And wake up to a healthy niece
If I can just rest a bit
And give my brain some peace

But as I open my bedroom door
And take 2 steps inside
I realize I can’t feel my legs
My vision is gone from my eyes

I stagger and stumble
I move slowly toward the sheets
The day has taken its toll on me
I no longer control my feet

A day of dealing with pain
With my own self to lean on
Most people take of running
As I begin to tell them what’s wrong

They tell me to let them know
When I want to talk
But the path to start the conversation
Is no easy walk

In fairness there is nothing
A person could say
To delete the issue she has
And make it go away

But if you ever felt loved
By me in any way
Try to have an out of body moment
And stop just to say

I got your back my friend
Like you had mine before
Im not good at words like you
But I don’t want to ignore

It sometimes takes heart ache
For people to understand the feeling
But hiding until the situation is over
Is the worst way of dealing

Just remember as you sleep tonight
That feeling in your chest
Wondering how bad it must feel
To literally be unable to rest

Do yourself a favor
Its good karma after all
Ask a person in need to talk
Instead of waiting for them to call

I know it could be worse
There are bigger emergencies than mine
But my body is so tired
It makes my bed too high

I look up at comfort
And wish for a simple gift
Could you ease me into bed
Could you simply offer me a lift

This story is not weakness
In fact I think its strength
In opening the eyes all around us
And speaking about it at length

We are all human
We all hurt in many ways
Don’t believe someone appearing fine
Or believe what they say

They hurt and they feel
And just when you think they are fine
They are broken and sleeping on the floor…
Because their bed is just too high.

Love You Ayah…

 - Said Durrah

Been a month...

It was a cloudy Wednesday when we had our last fight, just a month from today. A fight over something stupid and it was my fault I admit it. Everything was over in seconds, and I became a stranger! I try to go away and not be in her way, but there is something inside me that brings me back to her. I keep asking myself maybe goodbyes mean there is a chance to work it out?! She is so sweet even though she is being so mean to me these days, and I wish i can hear her voice for seconds and tell her how much I miss her.

Favorite Quotes

Don't ignore the person who loves you because you could wake up one day and realize that you lost them while you were busy chasing the others - Self

I don't want a broken heart because I will loose the pieces - Weezy

I am whatever you say I am - Eminem

I can wait forever - Simple Plan

Everybody dies but not everybody lives - Drake

Stuck in between a rock and a hard place - <3

Why did I create this blog?!

I created this blog because obviously I am bored and have nothing to do so I decided to create a blog to waste my time working on it and maybe I will delete it later.