It has been two months...

It has been two months and it feels like hell, nobody knows how it feels because nobody feels what I'm feeling right now. Indescribable feelings that hurt so bad but whenever I see her face I feel so safe and happy, I feel like I'm on the clouds nothing can bring me down. She makes me strong but she can makes me so weak as well. I hope she makes the right decision for us before its too late. I miss you so much and I love you with every piece of my heart.

Please come back...

As we grow older together, as we continue to change with age there is one thing that will never change. I will always keep falling in love with you. I miss you.

Off to Iraq...

 I took this picture last year when I was overseas, on the way to Iraq. It looks nice from outside but once you cross the borders you get in hell itself. Been packing since I woke up early in the morning. Nothing worse than knowing that you are throwing yourself in hell, but I have to do it and face my fears and win this battle. It is ridiculous how I have these feelings that I am going to go through all of the torturing bullshit but what's new? I am used to it, so many scars on my body make me feel honored for being through all of what I have been through. Anyways, I will miss everyone in here and especially her. My flight is next week or the week after, haven't decided yet but its soon. This might be the last post cause once I go there, there will be no internet and crap. Take care everyone and remember the good things about me. 

We will meet in heaven soon, right? haha (:

We can do this...

Tonight you cried. You cried a lot. You cried out of pain. You cried out of frustration. You cried because you actually wanted food and doctors would not allow it. You have not been allowed real liquid or solid food since the Wednesday. The areas surrounding your eyes look as if you have no slept for 6 months. You are sensitive to light. You are sensitive to sound. You have no energy. You keep your own box of tissues next to you... not because you have a cold but because you cry so much you don't want to wet your shirt. You tell nurses the need to hurry and tell the doctors to read your results because you hurt. People get pneumonia. People get liver issues. People get internal bleeding. People get intestinal issues. People get kidney failures. People get cancer. People have multiple surgeries in the same day. Then again in the same week. People get multiple biopsies. People get transfusions. You got nearly 20 of those and everything else I listed in the last 60 days. Habeebti and my best friend Ayah... how do you do that? As I said on my own profile... people would play with you or talk to you and say "You are just like your uncle Said"... but I wish your uncle Said was just like you!
I will continue to support you in any way that I can. I won't eat until you eat. I won't drink until you drink. I won't sleep if you are not sleeping. I will not do anything that you cannot do if it makes you feel bad that you are not there. We spend our lives wishing to gain the approval of everyone but I only look to gain the approval of my creator but on top of that I want to be the best person I can in this world so when you are all better... I want you to be able to put a chair on stage for you to sit in and watch my show from the best seat in the house. I don't care if they laugh... I just want to hear your giggle.

YOU AMAZE ME and I HOPE to represent a part of you. Friends of mine who are by my side with this in my opinion are lucky to be witnessing greatness when I speak about you because you are greatness. And anybody who leaves my side in any way probably did it because the expectations that go along with knowing such an amazing family with our amazing Ayah was just way to much for them to live up to. Its God's way of filtering out the warriors from the rest. I will read this to you tomorrow Ayah. 

 

- Said Durrah